Is this happening?   


We are going to discuss this topic. The dreaded and perhaps somewhat taboo topic of s.e.x.  

Why is that?  We should be discussing this topic at length and often!  It is not just a one time conversation. 

Let’s be honest here. 

This is a HUGE subject.  The benefit of this collaborative series is that you have five different women discussing from five different perspectives.  You can pick and choose who and what you relate with.  Be sure to head to the other blogs listed at the end of this post!

**Oh and I’m updating to let you know that the s.e.x. is in an effort to avoid having this post marked as spam.  Our email subject to each other with our links was titled ‘sex link {not spam}’ which was just way too funny.  Thanks Emily for the laugh!! **


There are multiple directions to take this topic. Here are a few questions perhaps you can ask yourself.  Please, please consider reading these with your spouse and taking the time to discuss it.

  • Do you and your spouse talk about it?
  • Are you both satisfied with the quality?
  • Is the frequency to your liking?
  • Is it a priority in your marriage? 
  • Is sex with your spouse conditional?
  • Is it the first or last thing you think about? 
  • Could television, social media, or something else be keeping you from it?
  • Do either of you withhold s.e.x because of anger or resentment?
  • Are either of you selfish in regards to this subject?

S.e.x in a marriage is super duper, uber important!!!   <—– Tweet it

It just can’t be the last thing on the to-do list.  Clearly there are other aspects of life such as kids, jobs, and other circumstances that demand our time and energy.  It’s important though to make an effort to leave a little something at the end of the day (or every other, or weekly, or whatever the two of you decide).

One way to ensure there is a little something is to keep the spark alive.

Can I state the obvious here?  Men are different than we are.

Let’s have a show of hands.  Has this ever happened in your house?  You have an argument with your husband that goes unresolved.  The two of you have been snippy all day then surprise, surprise, he’s somehow still up for bedtime festivities.

Ladies….are they kidding us?

I’ll be a little transparent here.  If we’ve been arguing or snippy with each other all throughout the day, the last thing I’m thinking about at the end of the night is s.e.x.  I’m still angry, hurt, frustrated, or whatever else until it is resolved.

Guys can somehow put their angry feelings aside and still make the magic happen.   I don’t know about you but I’m not built like that.  If I’m angry, I’m angry.  There is no going back just because it’s the end of the night.  

We have dubbed a little saying in our house called ‘prep the engines’ which helps us remember this.  If we happen to get into a little tiff earlier during the day and realize it’s festering into a huge issue, one of us will say this.  Usually it’s me.  It’s me because I know that I’ll be the one not in the mood later on if we don’t fix it.

It’s a gentle reminder that we are heading down a road that could ruin our evening.  It’s also a little reminder that s.e.x doesn’t start in the bedroom. 

I know I’m not alone here.  There is a little thing called foreplay.  I don’t believe foreplay is just what happens ten or fifteen minutes prior to the s.e.x.capades.  

It’s how we treat each other all day.  It’s stealing a hug in the middle of the day, kissing hello and goodbye.  It’s sending an ‘I love you’ text in the middle of the day, dancing to your song, and doing something special for your spouse.  It is going the extra mile. 

It is feeling wanted, feeling needed.  

In a nutshell, it’s prep work.  Being treated in a way that makes you want to jump into his arms at the end of the night (and vice versa).  It’s the anticipation.  It’s knowing that you will connect at the end of the long, stressful day. 

We can’t treat each other like garbage all day then expect to turn up the heat at night.  This will simply make you (or him) feel used which isn’t a foundation for a healthy sexual relationship.   

I know this is a woman’s perspective, well, because I am one.  Also because woman are a little more complicated when it comes to the physical part of marriage.

I will leave you with this little tip I’ve figured out over the years.  It works both ways.  If you prep the engines a little for your husband, believe me when I say that he will love you for it. 

Just because he can go zero to ready in .2 seconds doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy the anticipation!  You can make a huge change in this area today simply letting him know you still have the hots for him. 

When is the last time you’ve initiated things?  Have you kissed him a little longer than just a peck recently?   Have you put forth the effort to look irresistible when he walks through the door? 

What can you do today to prep his engines? 


Kayse @

Monica @ Elevate Ideas

Emily @ Primitive Roads

Jamie @ Brown Paper and Strings

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17 comments on “S.e.x. {How to Maintain Your High-Maintenance Marriage}

  1. Pingback: S e x {How to Maintain Your High-Maintenance Marriage :: Week 2} - kayse pratt

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  3. Pingback: Week 4: Sex (Maintain Your High Maintenance Marriage) | elevate ideas.

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  5. Kayse

    “prep the engines” – i love it!!!! i may have to steal that one for our house. ;) great post!!!

  6. Jaimie

    I love this. :D I’m like you, too–it takes intentionality during the day for me to be ready for the fun stuff at night. ;) I really have to focus on my attitude toward my husband, and toward myself–and make sure those attitudes are positive. This is a great post! Shared on Pinterest! :)

    1. Exceptionalistic Post author

      If more men took time to figure this out, I’m sure their relationships would be so much better. I love that I am not alone here. Thank you so much for easing my mind!!!

  7. Emily

    I love the list of things to consider at the beginning of this post. So essential to have open communication about all of those things. Great post, Kelly!

  8. Monica

    We have a similar “prep the engines” reminder, but I always forget that it’s just as much my responsibility to do so as it is his. Thank you for reminding me! :)

  9. Lu

    So true! Our sex life has a lot to do with the way we treat our spouse throughout the day. After 30 years of marriage nothing can be more true.

    1. Exceptionalistic Post author

      It sure does. I’m not always sure people realize it though. I love that you have been married over 30 years! Congratulations!!

  10. Mai Bateson

    Great post! I always love to prep his engines! ;) We’re blessed to share this sacred union with our husband… thanks!

  11. Fawn Weaver

    “Sex link {not spam}” – too funny! I’ve been reading alot of posts about married sex lately. There is such a need out there for this so thank you for posting this!

  12. Pingback: Do you see me & Amazing sex | Exceptionalistic

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