Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Defeated fear {Into the Word Wednesday}

Sara over at The Hickman Five invited me to a talk on fear.   She knows my heart and how much I’m working on growing closer to Him.  What a great friend!

I’ll start by saying that I wasn’t originally going to go. I didn’t really feel compelled to go. I’ve been following my spirit a lot more lately.  If I feel it then I do it.  I’m listening to Him as much as I can. In this instance I read the email from Sara but it didn’t hit me in my spirit.  I kept her email and said I’d let her know.  One thing I know is just because I decided I wasn’t going didn’t mean that was the final say.

It was three days before the seminar.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  Some things occurred in my life which made me feel down.  I was bummed that all the hard work I’d been doing, putting my heart into was coming to an end.  I feel relationships have been strained and my stress level is through the roof.  Clearing out my email I came across the email from Sara.  I went to click delete.  I couldn’t do it.

I continued on deleting old emails and filing some for later.  Again, there was the email with the subject ‘Hi – July 14th – Fear’ staring back at me.  I couldn’t click to open it yet I couldn’t delete it either.  I took it as a sign that I was meant to be there.

Bryn from Restoring Lives International shared her story. It was inspiring, emotional and real.  I’ll not share her story but I’ll share mine.

A few things she shared were astounding.  So near to me I almost felt ill.  Things I didn’t even really realize were holding me in fear I started to recognize in what she was sharing.  She asked if we were stuck in a cycle.  A cycle of fear.

The answer was yes.  A hamster wheel of fear. I was on and I couldn’t get off.  Fear of the past, fear of the future.  Fear of letting other people down.  Fear of not being a good enough wife, mom or friend.  Fear, fear, fear.  It was as if I finally realized what was holding me back in that very instant.  Something I’d been burying deep inside me from when I was five.  The root of my fear was there.

She said one thing that hit me like a ton of bricks.

~Jesus defeated fear on the cross

It’s so true!  He did.  We aren’t meant to live in fear.  We are to cast all the fear away.  When we allow fear to stay in our lives we aren’t trusting Him fully.  It’s time to shut the door on fear.

I stayed to pray with one of her prayer warriors afterward.  It was amazing. She really got to the root of where my fear was coming from.  I let it go that day. It felt like a gust of wind came and took it away.  There was no wind but the feeling was swift and calm yet powerful.

Is there fear in your life? Embarrassment? Control? Anxiety? Nervousness?

All of these fancy words for fear can hold us back from accomplishing our dreams and living our best life.

Remember Jesus defeated fear on the cross. It has no place in our lives.

I’ll leave you with some verses she shared with us.

Ephesians 2:14

Isaiah 26:3

2 Timothy 1:7

Job 4:12-16

Hebrews 11:1

–Join my co-hostesses and I this week for Into The Word Wednesday!

Becky at Tales of Beauty for Ashes

Sarah at Fontenot Four

Kelly at The Houtz House Party

Falen at Upward Not Inward

Kelly at Exceptionalistic (looks like you found me!)

Into the Word Wednesday blog hop rules (if you wouldn’t mind!):

1. Link up about something you are learning this week.

2. Follow all hostesses via GFC or Google +.

3. Grab a button to put on your blog – the more the merrier! Check out our sweet new button…

Tales of Beauty for Ashes

4. Check out (and comment) other people’s blogs to bless them today!

If you enjoyed this post, say thanks by sharing it!

B = Broken {All About Me}

This one is emotional for me.  A large portion of this story has been left out. I’m not yet ready to share it.

I chose broken because I feel like my body let me down.   It didn’t work as it should have.  I was healthy and in fairly good shape each time.  I’ve never broken a bone.  I’ve never had a long-term illness.  No high cholesterol, no high blood pressure, no issue really of any kind. 

Yet each time I got pregnant there were issues.  Big issues.  Enough to knock me off my feet and make me wonder why this had to happen. 

I don’t mean to complain or compare but it can be difficult. 

I hear stories all the time about kids being hurt, killed or neglected.  Several stories of people having more and more children they don’t want or can’t afford. 

All I ever wanted to be was a mom.  I was significantly older when I finally had a sibling so I grew up caring for him.  Learning how to be a mom and care for a baby was well developed before I had my own.

I love being a mom.  I think daily about how I can encourage my little sweetlings to live their dreams.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my sweet babies.  I love them more than anything in this world.  I wouldn’t trade them for the world…

but it still hurts that we aren’t able to have any more.  I’m disappointed in my body because I feel it has let me down.  Even though my husband has said he’s happy with our life the way it is I still feel as though I’ve let him down.

I’m slowly getting over this but it still hurts.  I’m always happy to hear when a friend is newly expecting but there is still a twinge of hurt.

This story does have a happy ending.  We have two beautiful babies of our own and the possibility of surrogacy or adoption in the future.

Each day I thank God for what I have.  I’m so thankful my babies are here.  I promise to enjoy them to the fullest and love them with my whole heart.

None of this compares to those that have never had their own.  I know how blessed I am to have what I have.  I pray for those that so desperately want a child.  There is always a rougher story but this is mine.  I’m working my way through it!

Join up with us next week with Love Kate for the All About Me A-Z challenge. 

If you enjoyed this post, say thanks by sharing it!

Into the Word Wednesday {For I Am With You}

What am I learning in the Word this week?  That is a loaded question.

I’m still studying Proverbs 31.  In the midst of week nine of the study and reading a book along with it.  Starting another bible study here shortly.

Outside of that I’m leaning heavily on a few verses this week.

Psalm 55:22  Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain thee: He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Matthew 19:26  And Jesus looking upon them said to them, with men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Isaiah 41:10  Fear you not; for I am with you: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you; yes, I will help you; yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.

I wrote yesterday about the struggle as well as a few possibilities that are happening in my life right now.  I was picked up yesterday at the thought of a solution.  Today, however was a different story.  I was snapped back to reality pretty quickly.  The gravity of the situation at hand was more than I could bear.  I gave in to the worry.  The battle in my mind was raging.

So for now….I am choosing to believe.  I am choosing to have faith.

I’m standing gingerly on these verses this week, praying for His guidance.

It’s a short one for me this Wednesday because my mind is swimming!  I’m trying not to dwell on it too much so I’m going to keep it short and sweet for this week.

–Join my co-hostesses and I this week for Into The Word Wednesday!

Becky at Tales of Beauty for Ashes

Sarah at Fontenot Four

Kelly at The Houtz House Party

Falen at Upward Not Inward

Kelly at Exceptionalistic (looks like you found me!)

Into the Word Wednesday blog hop rules (if you wouldn’t mind!):

1. Link up about something you are learning this week.

2. Follow all hostesses via GFC or Google +.

3. Grab a button to put on your blog – the more the merrier! Check out our sweet new button…

Tales of Beauty for Ashes

4. Check out (and comment) other people’s blogs to bless them today!

If you enjoyed this post, say thanks by sharing it!

A = Aspire {All About Me}

Deciding what to choose for my first All About Me post of the series was tougher than I imagined.  Of course I could choose awesome, ambitious, ambidextrous, aware, athletic, anonymous and a few others.  There are many words that describe me which start with the letter A.

I chose aspire because I feel lately it’s what I’m all about.  Aspire means to hope or dream, especially toward a profession or occupation.

I’ve always felt there is something else meant for me.  Writing is one, photography is another, homeschooling my kids is a third and contributing in some way to my family’s financial future.  I’d love to be a complete, 100% stay at home mom someday but for now I want to be able to contribute.

Have you ever felt there was more out there?  More options, better options, happier options?

I’ve worked steadily since I was 15 years old. Usually two jobs.  I’m good at most of what I’ve done in the past and present but I still have dreams.  I want to feel fulfilled.

I aspire to be a better wife.

I aspire to be a better mom.

I aspire to be a professional photographer some day.

I aspire to publish a book some day.

I aspire…I aspire…I aspire….   The goals keep coming!  I can’t stop them but it is time for me to implement them or stop daydreaming about it.

It’s time to put into action.

Almost all of the photographs on this blog are my own so if you’ve been around you’ve seen them.  In case you are new…here’s a new one!

 

Join me for the All About Me challenge! Click the button below to find out more.

 

 

If you enjoyed this post, say thanks by sharing it!

Into the Word Wednesday {What it means to be free}

It’s the freedom of our country, the freedom of our people, freedom to be anything we want to be, to own a business if we so choose, to live where we’d like, raise our children as we wish…

I went searching through the word this week looking for verses about freedom.  This verse really stood out to me.

You will soon see that the title of this isn’t even really what this ends up being at all.  Freedom and Independence Day is what I wanted to post about yet I was led in a very, very different direction.

We are called to be free.  It is our right to be free.

Now I don’t know the bible by heart.  I know some verses of course but I’m no biblical scholar.  I’m working my way through learning more right now as I’m a work in progress. I didn’t know the next verse would change my entire post.  I didn’t know that the next verse would be blog post changing.

I hadn’t planned on talking about this at all but here we go….

Love your neighbor as yourself, love your neighbor as yourself, love your neighbor as yourself.  These words keep resonating in my mind.  Have I been loving my neighbors?  Have I taken the time to get to know people, help others, show my compassion?

I really haven’t.  I’ve been so wrapped up in my own despair, my own worries the past year or so I haven’t done much for anyone else.  Of course I’m still a wife and mom but there are many more ‘neighbors’ in my life.

However He has opened my eyes to see that in all this I was already loving my neighbors and they were loving me back.  I just found this verse only just last night yet in the past eight weeks I’ve been changing.  Looking outside myself.  Really seeing how I can be a blessing for another.  I didn’t realize I was doing it.  I’m not mentioning it here to brag about it.  I want to share so you too can see how you may in fact be changing even when you don’t see it!

I’m mentioning it because in the past eight weeks a TON has happened yet I was too worried about other things to see it happening!

  • I met an extraordinary group of ladies through my Good Morning Girls bible study group. Praying for them has been really eye-opening. They do not live in close proximity to me at all but I feel as we’re growing as close as neighbors.  I’m loving them from afar.
  • I made several new friends that do live near me and I’m slowly becoming close with them.  What I find interesting is that even though I’m struggling with my own issues each of these ladies is battling something much more dire in their lives.  I believe they were brought into my life to show me that things could be much worse.  It doesn’t belittle anything my family is battling but it is showing me that if I can muster up half of the strength these ladies have then I’ll be okay!!
  • I’ve started this blog, learned a lot about myself, grown by leaps and bounds.  Made a ton of new blogger friends that have shown me that there is no reason to be afraid of making friends, online or in real life.  Each one has been helpful and sweet in their own way.

So on this Independence Day in 2012…how have you loved your neighbor today?  Have you been doing it all along but were too overwhelmed to see it?  I would absolutely love to hear about it.  It’s amazing what we see when we free our eyes and heart to really ‘see’.

 

–Join my co-hostesses and I this week for Into The Word Wednesday!

Becky at Tales of Beauty for Ashes

Sarah at Fontenot Four

Falen at Upward Not Inward

Kelly at Exceptionalistic (looks like you found me!)

Into the Word Wednesday blog hop rules (if you wouldn’t mind!):

1. Link up about something you are learning this week.

2. Follow all hostesses via GFC.

3. Grab a button to put on your blog – the more the merrier!  Check out our sweet new button…

Tales of Beauty for Ashes

4. Check out (and comment) other people’s blogs to bless them today!

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