I feel defeated.
I’ve been here multiple times over the past few days praying for a topic for this weeks link up. Why is there nothing this time? What am I doing wrong this time?
Could it be that my heart isn’t in it? I feel the constant struggle between the woman I want to be, the writer I want to become, and the ministry I want to provide. Yet these three need to come together and coexist.
I’ve always said I don’t want to write just to write. I want to write because it’s something someone somewhere in this world needs to read these words.
So today, I’m here. Open, honest, and feeling unworthy. Feeling like I’m letting you down. Yes, you. The one that comes here to feel encouraged on a weekly basis from one or all of us.
I’m not a biblical scholar. Not by a long shot. I do believe in the Word though. I am not perfect nor would I ever claim to be. Could it be that I was never meant for this type of link up? This kind of responsibility?
You know. The kind that you feel obligated to be ‘on’ every week. Feeling the need to be close to perfection? I don’t need that kind of pressure because if I feel pressured, it won’t be His message. It will be mine. The message that I’m forcing to be amazing. One that may or may not be ready to be told.
Here’s a warning as we move forward. There may be many posts that aren’t even in the vicinity of perfection. There may be some weeks where a bible verse is all I can give. One that I’m focusing on but am not able to elaborate on quite yet. This is where I am in my walk. I’m okay with it. I hope you are too.
I have a need to embrace that right now. Be who I am. A teeny, tiny baby Christian who has stayed one for far too long. Believing His words that I can do all things!!!
This is me.
Unworthy & Defeated