This one is emotional for me. A large portion of this story has been left out. I’m not yet ready to share it.
I chose broken because I feel like my body let me down. It didn’t work as it should have. I was healthy and in fairly good shape each time. I’ve never broken a bone. I’ve never had a long-term illness. No high cholesterol, no high blood pressure, no issue really of any kind.
Yet each time I got pregnant there were issues. Big issues. Enough to knock me off my feet and make me wonder why this had to happen.
I don’t mean to complain or compare but it can be difficult.
I hear stories all the time about kids being hurt, killed or neglected. Several stories of people having more and more children they don’t want or can’t afford.
All I ever wanted to be was a mom. I was significantly older when I finally had a sibling so I grew up caring for him. Learning how to be a mom and care for a baby was well developed before I had my own.
I love being a mom. I think daily about how I can encourage my little sweetlings to live their dreams.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my sweet babies. I love them more than anything in this world. I wouldn’t trade them for the world…
but it still hurts that we aren’t able to have any more. I’m disappointed in my body because I feel it has let me down. Even though my husband has said he’s happy with our life the way it is I still feel as though I’ve let him down.
I’m slowly getting over this but it still hurts. I’m always happy to hear when a friend is newly expecting but there is still a twinge of hurt.
This story does have a happy ending. We have two beautiful babies of our own and the possibility of surrogacy or adoption in the future.
Each day I thank God for what I have. I’m so thankful my babies are here. I promise to enjoy them to the fullest and love them with my whole heart.
None of this compares to those that have never had their own. I know how blessed I am to have what I have. I pray for those that so desperately want a child. There is always a rougher story but this is mine. I’m working my way through it!
Join up with us next week with Love Kate for the All About Me A-Z challenge.
If you enjoyed this post, say thanks by sharing it!