B = Broken {All About Me}

This one is emotional for me.  A large portion of this story has been left out. I’m not yet ready to share it.

I chose broken because I feel like my body let me down.   It didn’t work as it should have.  I was healthy and in fairly good shape each time.  I’ve never broken a bone.  I’ve never had a long-term illness.  No high cholesterol, no high blood pressure, no issue really of any kind. 

Yet each time I got pregnant there were issues.  Big issues.  Enough to knock me off my feet and make me wonder why this had to happen. 

I don’t mean to complain or compare but it can be difficult. 

I hear stories all the time about kids being hurt, killed or neglected.  Several stories of people having more and more children they don’t want or can’t afford. 

All I ever wanted to be was a mom.  I was significantly older when I finally had a sibling so I grew up caring for him.  Learning how to be a mom and care for a baby was well developed before I had my own.

I love being a mom.  I think daily about how I can encourage my little sweetlings to live their dreams.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my sweet babies.  I love them more than anything in this world.  I wouldn’t trade them for the world…

but it still hurts that we aren’t able to have any more.  I’m disappointed in my body because I feel it has let me down.  Even though my husband has said he’s happy with our life the way it is I still feel as though I’ve let him down.

I’m slowly getting over this but it still hurts.  I’m always happy to hear when a friend is newly expecting but there is still a twinge of hurt.

This story does have a happy ending.  We have two beautiful babies of our own and the possibility of surrogacy or adoption in the future.

Each day I thank God for what I have.  I’m so thankful my babies are here.  I promise to enjoy them to the fullest and love them with my whole heart.

None of this compares to those that have never had their own.  I know how blessed I am to have what I have.  I pray for those that so desperately want a child.  There is always a rougher story but this is mine.  I’m working my way through it!

Join up with us next week with Love Kate for the All About Me A-Z challenge. 

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8 Responses to “B = Broken {All About Me}”

  • Jennifer Smith says:

    I have walked the long road of infertility and while you have not shared why you are “broken”, please know my heart hurts for you. Praying God’s sweet comfort and direction in your life tonight and in the days to come!

    • Oh sweetheart. My heart is with you as well. I can not imagine walking the road you’ve been on. It’s so far from what I can even think about. Thanks for stopping by and sending prayers my way. I’m sending some to you tonight as well.

  • Sara says:

    You are an awesome mom. If you adopt down the road those babies are going to have the bestest life! Why? Because you and Mr. Exceptionalistic are great parents! I thought about using that same word.

  • Mariann says:

    For this very reason, I try to appreciate my four children (the good and the bad) because they are so many who can only wish that they were in my shoes (surrounded and overwhelmed by children).
    Thanks for this post. It shows me (and others, hopefully) not to take what came so easily to us, for granted.

    • Mariann you are so right. During those times that I just wish the kids were behaving, doing what they should be doing I remember to be thankful for what I have. There are so many that don’t. It’s a travesty how many awesome parents there are out there without little ones.

  • Claire Chadwick @ Scissors Paper Rock says:

    What an honest post. Thanks for sharing.
    The business of making babies is so far from simple. It’s unfair in fact. I know so many people who would make the most amazing parents, but are struggling with infertility. And then on the flipside, as a teacher, I see parents who keep breeding when they clearly are unfit to and/or doing it for the WRONG reasons! breaks my heart!
    I now have 2 children. They are healthy & thriving and SO LOVED. I lost one along the way, as well as half of my reproductive system and I lost a lot of hope when that happened. But many months later, I fell pregnant with our son, who is now 9 months old. Life has a crazy way of challenging us sometimes.

    • Truer words were never spoken. It breaks my heart sometimes. I need to remember there is a plan in store for me. It’s definitely not what I had planned but we’ll see how it all turns out. I’m super thankful for what I have. Congrats to you on your little one! That is so amazing!!

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