With the fourth pregnancy we had to make a tough decision.  Neither of us could handle the thought of losing another baby.  My doctor also didn’t feel I would make it through another pregnancy. 

After many long talks, we made the decision. 

I feel sad knowing that I’ll never again see that positive pink line on a pregnancy test.  I hurt knowing I have two babies in heaven (possibly three). 

There have been a few times I’ve honestly felt as though I might be pregnant.  More than a week late with all of the symptoms I’ve had in the past has fooled me more than once over the past few years.

Sometimes I forget about that necessary surgery during the c-section this last time.  Then come the thoughts of looking into reversing it. 

Then I remember. 

I have two amazing little ones here on this earth.  I love them more than anything.  Even though I still dream of baby number three to happen, I love them too much to risk my life to make my dream come true. 


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