The truth:

I feel defeated.

I’ve been here multiple times over the past few days praying for a topic for this weeks link up.  Why is there nothing this time?  What am I doing wrong this time? 

Could it be that my heart isn’t in it?  I feel the constant struggle between the woman I want to be, the writer I want to become, and the ministry I want to provide.  Yet these three need to come together and coexist.

I’ve always said I don’t want to write just to write.  I want to write because it’s something someone somewhere in this world needs to read these words.   

So today, I’m here. Open, honest, and feeling unworthy.  Feeling like I’m letting you down.  Yes, you.  The one that comes here to feel encouraged on a weekly basis from one or all of us. 

I’m not a biblical scholar.  Not by a long shot.  I do believe in the Word though.  I am not perfect nor would I ever claim to be.  Could it be that I was never meant for this type of link up?  This kind of responsibility? 

You know.  The kind that you feel obligated to be ‘on’ every week.  Feeling the need to be close to perfection?  I don’t need that kind of pressure because if I feel pressured, it won’t be His message.  It will be mine.  The message that I’m forcing to be amazing.  One that may or may not be ready to be told. 

Here’s a warning as we move forward.  There may be many posts that aren’t even in the vicinity of perfection.  There may be some weeks where a bible verse is all I can give.  One that I’m focusing on but am not able to elaborate on quite yet.   This is where I am in my walk.  I’m okay with it.  I hope you are too.

I have a need to embrace that right now.  Be who I am.  A teeny, tiny baby Christian who has stayed one for far too long.  Believing His words that I can do all things!!!

This is me.

Sincerely,

Unworthy & Defeated

Exceptionalistic

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10 comments on “On Feeling Unworthy and Admitting Defeat

  1. Melinda Stanton (Auntie Em)

    Sweet Kelly, you are so perfect in your imperfection and vulnerability.
    “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9
    You are not the only one who feels weak my sister. Hang in there.
    Love and hugs–
    Melinda

    1. Exceptionalistic Post author

      Oh Melinda. Thanks for stopping by. That verse is so encouraging to me. It’s true. I felt the need to clear the air and definitely felt better. It’s nice to know I’m not alone and be able to let you know you aren’t either! {hugs}

    1. Exceptionalistic Post author

      Thank you Kari. It took a few times but I finally realized that I had to share what was on my heart. Thanks for the encouragement and for stopping by!!

  2. Debi and Charly @ Adorned From Above

    Hi Kelly,
    I’m Debi and belong to the Christian Homemakers group with you. I am so touched by what you wrote. I write bible verses and sometimes a bible study on Monday’s, and I am always praying and asking God to tell me what I am supposed to write about. I have been doing this for a year now. I am not a bible scholar either, but I felt led by God to share verses and studies online last year. You are definitely not unworthy or defeated. What you wrote came from your heart. God is listening and letting other people know through your words that sometimes we may not hear him as clearly as at other times, but he is still with us. He is still leading us. This gives people hope that even if they are not hearing him clearly today or at this moment in time he is hearing them.
    Have a blessed week.
    Debi

    1. Exceptionalistic Post author

      Debi. Sweet Debi.
      Thank you so much for stopping by. I appreciate your kind words more than you know. It’s true. I almost didn’t hit publish at the end. It wasn’t about looking for comments or even looking for someone to reach out. It was just on my heart and I felt it was time to share. I do believe He spreads His message through our fingers and our words. He is always here! You are so right.

  3. Becky

    Kelly, thank you for sharing. You aren’t alone, we all feel that way. It doesn’t make you a lesser person and God knows it doesn’t make you a lesser Christian. Praying that you will have fresh wind and fire in your heart.

    Love to you sister!

    1. Exceptionalistic Post author

      You are absolutely right! I didn’t think I was alone at all. There are times when I think it’s important for people to know we go through things sometimes too. So happy to hear from you and to know that you are well!

  4. Shell

    All we can do is write what we are thinking. Not try to force something that we feel like we “should” write.

    1. Exceptionalistic Post author

      That is exactly right! It is freeing to be able to do just that. I never want to write because I feel like I must.

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