Faith

Allowed to Grieve

I’m sharing today over at my friend Jamie’s blog Brown Paper and Strings for her series entitled Out of the Dark, Into the Light.

It’s from my heart.  It took a while to write in between the memories and the tears. 

If you’ve experienced the death of a child…this is for you. 

Into the Light

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The calm after the storm. {Into the Word Wednesday}

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We had an amazing vacation in which we experienced tropical storm Andrea.  She came to visit periodically throughout our week.  

Seeing the wild waves and feeling the powerful winds of that storm reminded me 

Sometimes the storms of life don’t seem like they’ll ever end.  They feel powerful.  Strong.  Overwhelming.  

There is a calm after the storm and we know who causes that.  

Remembering this during the storm can be difficult.  

If you are in the middle of a storm right now, I hope this reminds you that He is always there. 

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God’s gentle reminders

The other night I got a phone call asking if I could come into work that night instead of the next. Oh, and a few hours earlier than usual. I didn’t exactly want to but I know that I’m called to do what I’m doing.

The baby has been teething and mom was sick. She is down for the count with the flu.

So I went in two hours earlier than I’d planned on a day I wasn’t exactly prepared. I usually try to get a nap on days when I’ll be up sporadically during the night.

This didn’t happen. I was already tired just getting ready. I was leaving pretty much right after the kids went to bed. Instead of having a leisurely bedtime routine we were a bit rushed.

As I was saying good night and tucking in sheets, my little one looked at me with the biggest and brightest eyes asking to pray. Actually he grabbed my hand and said ‘Pray now, mommy’ while flashing me that smile that makes me absolutely melt. You know the one. Your kids probably have one too. It’s the smile that makes you want to give them whatever they want in that moment.

My heart may have melted right out of my chest.

In my hubbub of running around unprepared for the night ahead, I’d bypassed one of the most important parts of our bedtime routine. I didn’t mean to do so.

I was helping someone else out in a time of need and working toward still fulfilling my obligations for my family before I left.

As I prayed in that moment with my little guy, I felt a wave of peace wash over me. I had debated whether or not I should stop my life and my plans to help out. It was as if I was being told I was making the right decision to stop my life to help out in a time of need but…

Even in our hastiness to get the kids to bed, finish a project, or other household projects, He is taking care of us. He is keeping watch over us. He provides gentle reminders that we still need him.

Tonight, it just happened to be in the form of a three year old so happy about talking to God that he reminds me of just how important it really is. He can remind us in unexpected ways and in unexpected places. I absolutely love that about Him!!

I’ve stopped striving for perfection. Just as I am here to remind and teach my kids, He is there to remind us. I think God and I have a pretty good thing going right now. I’m okay with God’s gentle reminders as long as they keep coming in the form of a sweet little baby face with a growing love of prayer!

 

Exceptionalistic

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Grace {Into the Word Wednesday}

I have to start by saying thank you.

Thank you for the grace you’ve shown when I opened up a little last week.

But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

I love being part of this wonderful, loving blogging world.  I have been pleasantly surprised time and again with the beautiful comments you leave each week.  Last week as I hit publish I started to get a little concerned.

I am sure I’m not the only one that has seen certain comments across social media that seem to be just vague enough to solicit comments.   I didn’t want that post to come across in that manner.

We have been survival mode for over a year now and I think it’s starting to wear on me.  The mind and body can only take so much sometimes.  The past few weeks have been particularly rough.  The strange part is that there is really no reason for it.

Life is settling down in our household.  Things are looking up.  It seems that because of this my body is going to make sure I’m resting.  I was all prepared to get ahead here on the blog plus get some things done around the house.  Between the migraines, sciatic pain, and flat out falling asleep on the couch none of it was accomplished.

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for giving me room to grow.  I appreciate each and every one of you!! 

Exceptionalistic

This post also linked up at Simply Helping Him.

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On Feeling Unworthy and Admitting Defeat

The truth:

I feel defeated.

I’ve been here multiple times over the past few days praying for a topic for this weeks link up.  Why is there nothing this time?  What am I doing wrong this time? 

Could it be that my heart isn’t in it?  I feel the constant struggle between the woman I want to be, the writer I want to become, and the ministry I want to provide.  Yet these three need to come together and coexist.

I’ve always said I don’t want to write just to write.  I want to write because it’s something someone somewhere in this world needs to read these words.   

So today, I’m here. Open, honest, and feeling unworthy.  Feeling like I’m letting you down.  Yes, you.  The one that comes here to feel encouraged on a weekly basis from one or all of us. 

I’m not a biblical scholar.  Not by a long shot.  I do believe in the Word though.  I am not perfect nor would I ever claim to be.  Could it be that I was never meant for this type of link up?  This kind of responsibility? 

You know.  The kind that you feel obligated to be ‘on’ every week.  Feeling the need to be close to perfection?  I don’t need that kind of pressure because if I feel pressured, it won’t be His message.  It will be mine.  The message that I’m forcing to be amazing.  One that may or may not be ready to be told. 

Here’s a warning as we move forward.  There may be many posts that aren’t even in the vicinity of perfection.  There may be some weeks where a bible verse is all I can give.  One that I’m focusing on but am not able to elaborate on quite yet.   This is where I am in my walk.  I’m okay with it.  I hope you are too.

I have a need to embrace that right now.  Be who I am.  A teeny, tiny baby Christian who has stayed one for far too long.  Believing His words that I can do all things!!!

This is me.

Sincerely,

Unworthy & Defeated

Exceptionalistic

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