angel babies

Miscarriage + Jesus = Joy {Into the Word Wednesday}

I know. You may be here because of the title of this post.  If you have already read this post, you know that I have been through at least two miscarriages.  It is the most excruciating emotional pain I’ve ever been through.

What could this possibly mean?  How could Miscarriage + Jesus = Joy?

Trust me. I have been where you are right now.  Are you wondering how I got to this point in my grief?

I want to share more details about my sweet babies but I’ll save that for another day.

I will tell you this. I’ll never get over it but I am at peace knowing that my sweet babies are with Jesus.  My heart leaps with joy knowing that they are being cared for in heaven.

Once I read Jeremiah 1:5 and Luke 18:16, I was still hurting of course, but I learned my angel babies would be okay.

Jeremiah 1:5

‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,before you were born I set you apart;I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.’

Luke 18:16

But Jesus called the children to him and said ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 

I love knowing that one day I’ll meet them!!  I love knowing that they are in heaven surrounded by love.

If you have been through a miscarriage, please know that Jesus is taking care of your babies. Who knows maybe they are all up in heaven playing together!  Therefore, even though a miscarriage is painful, I have joy in my heart knowing they are with Jesus!

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–Join my co-hostesses and I this week for Into The Word Wednesday!

Becky at Tales of Beauty for Ashes

Sarah at Fontenot Four

Kelly at The Houtz House Party

Falen at Upward Not Inward

Kelly at Exceptionalistic (looks like you found me!)

Into the Word Wednesday blog hop rules (if you wouldn’t mind!):

1. Link up about something you are learning this week.

2. Follow all hostesses via GFC or Google +.

3. Grab a button to put on your blog – the more the merrier! Check out our sweet new button…

.

Exceptionalistic

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4. Check out (and comment) other people’s blogs to bless them today!

.

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M = Miscarriage {All About Me}

So the name pretty much says it all.  Something I never imagined would happen, did happen.

We found out we were pregnant the day we closed on our first house.  It would be our second child. We were so thrilled because the timing couldn’t have been better.  We had the extra room and were ready.

Nothing could have prepared us for this.  The anguish, the hurt, the wondering.  How could this have happened?  There was no sign of an issue. No warning.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Some days I feel like it was yesterday.

It started with some mild cramping.  I started to think that I just overdid it then… 

The heavy bleeding and severe cramping.  The tears falling. 

I knew what I thought was happening.  Trying to stay strong.  Trying to have faith.

In reality, the dream in my heart and in my womb was fading.

We raced to the hospital.  Standing at the counter, we filled out paperwork while the blood was dripping down my legs into my shoes.  We wondered why this paperwork had to be completed at such a crucial time.  

Our worst fear was confirmed.  Our sweet baby was gone at 14 weeks.

Fast forward three months.  It happened again.  We weren’t sure why or how this was happening.  An angel baby at 8 weeks this time around.  All I have are the items in the photo above. The only items I have that ‘belonged’ to our babies.

Not one photo. Not one hug.  No kisses. No snuggles.  No sweet baby smell. 

Instead of celebrating new life, we were mourning.  We were angry.  I was mad at myself, feeling as though I failed both my babies as well as my husband.   

A verse that I’ve been clinging to since this happened is Exodus 23:20.  ‘See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.’

Each of our babies has a name and we pray over them daily.  One day we’ll explain to the boys that they have siblings in heaven.  Until then, we wait to meet them when it’s our time. 

I’ve only shared this with my husband but now I want to share it here as a tribute to our sweet angels.

I started writing this post at the beginning of the All About Me Challenge because I knew it would be tough.  I came across the following link up and will be sharing it there on October 15th.  If you have a similar story, know you aren’t alone.  Email me if you need to talk.

A Little Piece of Me

Still linking up with Love Kate for the All About Me challenge.

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I Can Only Imagine {Into the Word Wednesday}

What do you imagine Heaven to be like?  Is it your perfect day all the time?  Can you do whatever you want?  Can you play video games all the time (as my oldest has asked numerous times)?  Is there someone you hope to see again? 

There are so many questions.  When I look to the sky I constantly wonder if my grandparents can see me.  If they are watching over my angel babies. 

Does anyone else just love Mercy Me?  I can’t get enough of this song, although it moves me to tears by the end. 

The lyrics, oh my, the lyrics. Does anyone else get goosebumps when this song comes on the radio?  We listen to our local Christian station most of the day.  When this song comes on I stop whatever I’m doing and just listen.  I feel as though I’m basking in His love right then and there.

They have it exactly right.  We can only imagine it.  According to 1 Corinthians our minds can’t even conceive how amazing it is!! 

I leave you with the lyrics so you can start imagining!!

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the sun

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You

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–Join my co-hostesses and I this week for Into The Word Wednesday!

Becky at Tales of Beauty for Ashes

Sarah at Fontenot Four

Kelly at The Houtz House Party

Falen at Upward Not Inward

Kelly at Exceptionalistic (looks like you found me!)

Into the Word Wednesday blog hop rules (if you wouldn’t mind!):

1. Link up about something you are learning this week.

2. Follow all hostesses via GFC or Google +.

3. Grab a button to put on your blog – the more the merrier! Check out our sweet new button…

Tales of Beauty for Ashes

4. Check out (and comment) other people’s blogs to bless them today!

Email
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Story {5 Minute Friday}

What is the story behind this picture?  Is it a father and daughter?  A mother and son?  Is it a couple in love?  A couple in the midst of celebration?  In the midst of tragedy?

Every picture has a story. Some say a picture is worth a 1,000 words.  Is this one?  You bet.

Documenting our story through pictures is a wonderful way to remember exciting, monumental moments in our lives.  I’ve always wanted to be a photographer.  In my dreams I’m working professionally as a photographer.  As in any other profession there are ups and downs to any job.

The story behind this photograph is a man and woman.  A husband and wife.  In the midst of tragedy.

I had the honor of photographing a friend just after she’d delivered, at 19 weeks, her stillborn baby. The baby she’d been praying about for months already.  It was a very emotional night.  Her little tiny baby boy was perfect….10 fingers, 10 toes, perfectly formed mouth, nose, eyes, ears, just beautiful.

The glorious moments of your story are typically photographed.  Weddings, graduations, babies, first days of school among them.   These sad, tragic moments are sometimes just as important to photograph because they are part of your story.

 

This post is linked up Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday.

Five Minute Friday

What is 5 Minute Friday?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat on the prompt: “Story” with no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link to Gypsy Mama and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

So…what’s your story?

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First Sunday

International Bereaved Mother’s Day. A day I wish I didn’t have to celebrate. A day I wish I had never learned. We celebrate Mother’s Day for those that have children. What about those that lost their children and have none here? What about those of us that have children on earth and also in heaven?

What a beautiful photo to commemorate this first Sunday in May. I think of my babies often. I think any mother that has lost a child does. I would love to hear your story about your beautiful little angels if you are willing to share. I don’t think the grieving process ever really ends but I do believe talking about our experiences helps us make it a little more bearable.

I plan to always be there for any mother that has lost a child. I feel it’s my duty to be a sturdy rock, a listening ear, a loving friend to anyone that has experienced the ultimate loss.

*Image from from Project Heal

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