Date night

When date night isn’t an entire night. {Matrimonial Monday}

Does any of this sound familiar?

  • Going to dinner and a movie on the same night.
  • Heading out to get ice cream at 10pm…together.
  • Dancing at a club with friends on a Thursday night.
  • Dozing off while sunbathing at the pool.
  • Reading a book without having to reread the same paragraph 6 times.
  • Candlelit dinners

If you’re like us, you probably did these things but prior to having kids.

Date night has changed for us now that we are parents.  We have priorities, schedules, and bedtimes now.

Date night used to be our only time to be together.  While in college we were in two different cities so Friday and Saturday nights were our nights to go out.  We’d grab dinner (while not really caring about the 45 minute wait).  We would head down to our local pool hall to play while listening to our favorite songs on the jukebox.

What does date night look like now?

Well, if we have a sitter we can usually grab a quick dinner and maybe a movie.  We skip the 45 minute wait by choosing a place that either isn’t that busy or has reservations.  We skip the pool hall and honestly more often than not, we swing by the hardware store or the grocery to pick up a few things we just happened to remember.

There are times when date night isn’t even an entire night.  You know what?  That’s okay.

We have to make the most of what we have.  The past two nights our date nights have been with the moon and the big dipper.  Yep, that’s right, sitting in the hot tub looking at the stars engrossed in deep conversation.

freeimage-8524829-high© Studiopaula | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

40 minute date nights.  Relaxation, 102 degrees, and two rounds with the jets on high.  

Sometimes I miss the old days. 

Then again, on nights like these…I don’t. 

How do you make the most of the time you have?

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Butterflies {Matrimonial Monday}

Think back to when you were first dating your spouse.  Before the wedding, before the engagement, and even before you said ‘I love you’ for the first time.

Remember the anticipation of the next time you’d see each other?

Remember the butterflies?

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© 4dings | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Are those butterflies still alive and well or have they died off a little?  <—- Tweet it

I remember the anticipation of our first date.  We had been best friends for years before this but this was an official date.  I mean, it should feel completely different, shouldn’t it?

It did.  No longer was he just a good friend of mine.  He wasn’t just the guy I’d goofed off with and rode to school with for years.  He was no longer just the guy I had shared with about past relationships. 

He was my new boyfriend.  Officially. 

The butterflies were definitely there that night.  Those butterflies were what told me this was exactly right.  We had talked the fact that us dating could ruin our friendship if it didn’t work out but the butterflies squashed those fears. 

Keeping those butterflies alive and nurtured are important.  It’s what reminds us that this is exactly where we are supposed to be.  During rough times they may hibernate.  If you are going through a rough time in your marriage, it’s time to get those butterflies out of hibernation.

Bring them back to life with a date night.  Maybe a date where you first met.  A trip back to the first dinner date you had together.  Look back over your wedding album and relive the day. 

They are there.  I assure you they are. 

The question is are you working hard enough to keep them alive? 

************

Exceptionalistic



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Celebrating Love {Matrimonial Monday}

It’s hard to believe it’s been 12 years!

Yep, we celebrated our anniversary last week.  Looking back over the years, it sure doesn’t feel like it’s been that long.

We have had ups and downs in our lives but there has never been a waver in our love for each other.  Now, that does not mean that we don’t argue or that our life is perfect.

Trust me.  We go through many of the same things you go through!

It’s easier to post each week and keep it uplifting simply because I, too, am always working on bettering my marriage.  After all, that is the purpose of this link up.  To encourage you, to inspire you, and to let you know you aren’t alone out there.

Marriage certainly isn’t all rainbows and puppies.

Marriage takes work.  It requires respect.  It thrives on love.  <—- tweet

So I ask you, how do you celebrate your love outside of your anniversary?  On days other than Valentine’s Day or Sweetest Day?

I truly believe marriage and love should be celebrated on a daily basis.  Why?  Because it’s hard on a daily basis!   We should be showing our love through our actions and our words all the time.

We shouldn’t need a Hallmark reminder every once in a while to pick up a card or do something nice for each other.

We didn’t do cards, flowers, or even a fancy dinner this year.  We treated it like any other date night.  We did something we both wanted to do.  We went to a 12 hour class we’d both been wanting to attend.

We also had dinner at our favorite hangout.  It wasn’t steak and fanciness but burgers and live music.  It was very simple but we were together at our favorite place!

It didn’t matter the venue because the company is what made it special. It wouldn’t matter what day it was it would be equally as special. This date night just happened to be our anniversary but it’s one we’ve had many, many other times.  

Chances are it’s not your anniversary.  How can you celebrate your love today? 

************

Exceptionalistic



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S.e.x. {How to Maintain Your High-Maintenance Marriage}

Is this happening?   

Yep.

We are going to discuss this topic. The dreaded and perhaps somewhat taboo topic of s.e.x.  

Why is that?  We should be discussing this topic at length and often!  It is not just a one time conversation. 

Let’s be honest here. 

This is a HUGE subject.  The benefit of this collaborative series is that you have five different women discussing from five different perspectives.  You can pick and choose who and what you relate with.  Be sure to head to the other blogs listed at the end of this post!

**Oh and I’m updating to let you know that the s.e.x. is in an effort to avoid having this post marked as spam.  Our email subject to each other with our links was titled ‘sex link {not spam}’ which was just way too funny.  Thanks Emily for the laugh!! **

HTMYHMM Button

There are multiple directions to take this topic. Here are a few questions perhaps you can ask yourself.  Please, please consider reading these with your spouse and taking the time to discuss it.

  • Do you and your spouse talk about it?
  • Are you both satisfied with the quality?
  • Is the frequency to your liking?
  • Is it a priority in your marriage? 
  • Is sex with your spouse conditional?
  • Is it the first or last thing you think about? 
  • Could television, social media, or something else be keeping you from it?
  • Do either of you withhold s.e.x because of anger or resentment?
  • Are either of you selfish in regards to this subject?

S.e.x in a marriage is super duper, uber important!!!   <—– Tweet it

It just can’t be the last thing on the to-do list.  Clearly there are other aspects of life such as kids, jobs, and other circumstances that demand our time and energy.  It’s important though to make an effort to leave a little something at the end of the day (or every other, or weekly, or whatever the two of you decide).

One way to ensure there is a little something is to keep the spark alive.

Can I state the obvious here?  Men are different than we are.

Let’s have a show of hands.  Has this ever happened in your house?  You have an argument with your husband that goes unresolved.  The two of you have been snippy all day then surprise, surprise, he’s somehow still up for bedtime festivities.

Ladies….are they kidding us?

I’ll be a little transparent here.  If we’ve been arguing or snippy with each other all throughout the day, the last thing I’m thinking about at the end of the night is s.e.x.  I’m still angry, hurt, frustrated, or whatever else until it is resolved.

Guys can somehow put their angry feelings aside and still make the magic happen.   I don’t know about you but I’m not built like that.  If I’m angry, I’m angry.  There is no going back just because it’s the end of the night.  

We have dubbed a little saying in our house called ‘prep the engines’ which helps us remember this.  If we happen to get into a little tiff earlier during the day and realize it’s festering into a huge issue, one of us will say this.  Usually it’s me.  It’s me because I know that I’ll be the one not in the mood later on if we don’t fix it.

It’s a gentle reminder that we are heading down a road that could ruin our evening.  It’s also a little reminder that s.e.x doesn’t start in the bedroom. 

I know I’m not alone here.  There is a little thing called foreplay.  I don’t believe foreplay is just what happens ten or fifteen minutes prior to the s.e.x.capades.  

It’s how we treat each other all day.  It’s stealing a hug in the middle of the day, kissing hello and goodbye.  It’s sending an ‘I love you’ text in the middle of the day, dancing to your song, and doing something special for your spouse.  It is going the extra mile. 

It is feeling wanted, feeling needed.  

In a nutshell, it’s prep work.  Being treated in a way that makes you want to jump into his arms at the end of the night (and vice versa).  It’s the anticipation.  It’s knowing that you will connect at the end of the long, stressful day. 

We can’t treat each other like garbage all day then expect to turn up the heat at night.  This will simply make you (or him) feel used which isn’t a foundation for a healthy sexual relationship.   

I know this is a woman’s perspective, well, because I am one.  Also because woman are a little more complicated when it comes to the physical part of marriage.

I will leave you with this little tip I’ve figured out over the years.  It works both ways.  If you prep the engines a little for your husband, believe me when I say that he will love you for it. 

Just because he can go zero to ready in .2 seconds doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy the anticipation!  You can make a huge change in this area today simply letting him know you still have the hots for him. 

When is the last time you’ve initiated things?  Have you kissed him a little longer than just a peck recently?   Have you put forth the effort to look irresistible when he walks through the door? 

What can you do today to prep his engines? 

*************************

Kayse @ KaysePratt.com

Monica @ Elevate Ideas

Emily @ Primitive Roads

Jamie @ Brown Paper and Strings

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Laughter {How to MaintainYour High-Maintenance Marriage}

 

Why did you fall in love with your husband?

Have I ever told how why I fell in love with mine?

I fell in love with him partly because of laughter.  That may sound strange but it is one of the main reasons.

You see, I don’t show emotions like excitement well.  I don’t know why.  It’s as if I’m so excited my heart and mind forgot to share the information with my face.

Whether it’s opening gifts on Christmas morning or having something exciting happening in my life.  I talk about it but it doesn’t show through very well.

Now let me tell you a little about him.

My husband might as well have majored in laughter in college.  He is by far the funniest man I’ve ever met.

We met in middle school.  We were inseparable from 8th grade on.  Best friends.  I mean the kind of best friend you do everything with.  We’d go to movies, theme parks, and even carpooled to school every day.

We always had a great time together.

Fast forward to our first semester in college.  He went away.  I stayed home and commuted.  We didn’t see each other as much.   I started to miss him so much, looking forward to the next time I’d see him.  I realized how much I wasn’t fulfilled in the relationship I was in.  I realized how much I loved him.

Why? 

When he was gone, I didn’t laugh as much.  I didn’t have as fun a life without him as I did with him.  Of course he was still in my life but in a different way.

He always made me laugh.  When I say that he made me laugh, I mean made me belly laugh.   I’ve already told you I don’t do that very often. 

Laughter is such an important part of life, let alone marriage.  It can help keep our marriages fresh.  It’s one way we can relieve tension during the rough times.  It’s how we can keep ourselves from stressing out during busy times of our lives. 

As I’ve said before, things have been a little crazy this past year. 

These days I am sometimes so stretched that I feel like ElastiGirl from the Incredibles.  I feel like if I stretch one more inch I may burst.

What keeps me going?

These days it’s looking forward to an evening of comedy-watching with my husband.  A few times a week we have date night in our living room.  We put on our favorite television comedy, forget for a moment about the world, sit together, and just laugh.

Have you laughed with your husband recently?  Do you joke around?  Play games?  Watch funny movies? 

 

**************************

Check out other perspectives on laughter below!!

Kayse @ KaysePratt.com

Monica @ Elevate Ideas

Emily @ Primitive Roads

Jamie @ Brown Paper and Strings

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